My name is Kerri, I’m 37 years old and live in South Africa. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder as well as ADHD. Needless to say I am on a lot of medication (Ritalin, Lamictal, Ativan, Seroquel and Xeplion (not including my pain meds). I was on Zyprexa which made me gain 20kgs (44 pounds), as an ex personal trainer and someone who had previously lost 40kgs (88 pounds) through blood sweat and tears, this side effect was devastating to me. I see my psychiatrist bi weekly and my psychologist weekly, I also did a group DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) workshop towards the beginning of 2015 and a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy workshop at the end of 2015. I unfortunately say ex personal trainer as I have a debilitating disease in my spine called disc degenerative disease which has already caused me to have surgery on my neck and now await surgery on my lower back, therefore I had to quit a job I loved because of my health. I managed to get another job towards the end of last year but lost it in June this year as I did not get along with my boss and of course being bipolar I let her know it. However, after I stopped sulking, I realised it was a blessing in disguise, as I am now working for myself and LOVING it!
As I type I am weighed down by two major concerns:
- I am on so much medication, why do I still get terribly depressed and manic sometimes?
- I see a psychologist every week and did the DBT and CBT courses, why has my outlook on life not changed that much?
This is not a “feel sorry for me” blog, this is a journalled recounting of me looking for answers beyond the avenues that I have already tried. This is my journey to happiness, come, join me…