About

My name is Kerri, I’m 37 years old and live in South Africa. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder as well as ADHD. Needless to say I am on a lot of medication (Ritalin, Lamictal, Ativan, Seroquel and Xeplion  (not including my pain meds). I was on Zyprexa which made me gain 20kgs (44 pounds), as an ex personal trainer and someone who had previously lost 40kgs (88 pounds) through blood sweat and tears, this side effect was devastating to me. I see my psychiatrist bi weekly and my psychologist weekly, I also did a group DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) workshop towards the beginning of 2015 and a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy workshop at the end of 2015. I unfortunately say ex personal trainer as I have a debilitating disease in my spine called disc degenerative disease which has already caused me to have surgery on my neck and now await surgery on my lower back, therefore I had to quit a job I loved because of my health. I managed to get another job towards the end of last year but lost it in June this year as I did not get along with my boss and of course being bipolar I let her know it. However, after I stopped sulking, I realised it was a blessing in disguise, as I am now working for myself and LOVING it!

As I type I am weighed down by two major concerns:

  1. I am on so much medication, why do I still get terribly depressed and manic sometimes?
  2. I see a psychologist every week and did the DBT and CBT courses, why has my outlook on life not changed that much?

This is not a “feel sorry for me” blog, this is a journalled recounting of me looking for answers beyond the avenues that I have already tried. This is my journey to happiness, come, join me…

73 thoughts on “About

  1. Dearest friend,

    I can confidently tell you that whether on or off the meds, the mental and emotional rollercoaster is the same. The plus being off is that you don’t gain the weight! But on a serious note, the highs are just as high and the lows are just as low, the days are just as long and the fight is just as real. It’s a chemical imbalance, as we’ve been told and personally, I promote natural means of treatment ie: drinking loads of water, getting some sunshine on your pip everyday, talking – a lot – to people on the same page, having few “friends” & those chosen to be your friend should listen, love and support all of the yous & lastly, exercise! Exercise is probably first on the list as this will help you to want to do the rest. Looking forward to watching you on your journey through this page. With love xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there, thank you so much for your comment. It is definitely part of the plan to eat organic and start exercising again. The optimist in me feels like there are a million puzzle pieces which just need to be put together, I don’t think there is one source, solution, philosophy or lifestyle choice, so I am tasking myself to put the pieces together.

      Blessings x

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve wondered the same about myself. Diagnosed depressed at 18, dysthymic (chronic moderate depression) throughout 20s & 30s, finally diagnosed bipolar type II at 39. Now 52. Still trying to figure it out, actually. Life is somehow like that, at least for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I spent a lot of time being misdiagnosed and even more time self medicating because I couldn’t handle how I was feeling on a daily basis. It’s a struggle and I’m no going to lie to myself about how hard this journey is going to be for me, but I REFUSE to go down without a fight. Keep trying too friend. Thanks for your comment

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Good attitude! Give yourself a break, too. You’ve worked hard to get where you are, and as someone recently diagnosed, it takes time to figure it out. I’m still trying to figure it out at 52 years old. Still trying to figure out what I’m going to do when I grow up, too. Maybe that’s just how I live my life.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think you might be right! Maybe I may never feel as “grown up” as others, but then again I should not be measuring myself up to other people. We all have different journeys, some of our roads are just rockier than others.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Kerri, thanks so much for visiting my site and choosing to follow along. I think your questions are universal for those of us with BP. I think most of us never find the perfect answer, but our determination to keep searching, trying, working toward health makes us some of the most courageous people on earth. Many blessings on your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear beautiful Kerri, thank you for stopping by my blog thewelldressedyogi.wordpress.com and becoming a part of it. I welcome your friendship 🙂 I wonder if you have seen the ‘The Indigo Evolution’ documentary!! It might be worth watching it to get a different perspective on ADHD and bipolar (if you haven’t already done so).

    Here’s the description: ‘The Indigo Evolution’ is a documentary about the shifting human, evolving beyond the five sensory perceptions into a multi-sensory being of light ! The term Indigo refers to the Indigo color Aura seen around certain individuals who exhibit certain enhanced abilities well beyond their age and learning. Commonly labeled as suffering from some kind of deficit (ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia …) these children clearly have more of something most of us fail to recognize. Their non conformance to authority and the social conditioning sometimes earns them the label of being problem children.

    And the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxvriVUk_5A

    Keep shining your Light! Much Love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello there, welcome to my blog 🙂 Thank you for this message, I have identified as an indigo child for many years now but am still learning more and more about it. I will definitely watch this documentary! Thank you again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I lived for a while with a woman who has a “borderline personality” back in the ’80s, although neither of us knew of that label and she took no medication. A wild ride. I got off, but we are still in contact.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As a fellow sufferer of Bi-Polar Disorder I appreciate your page and the candor found within its text. I would also like to thank you for following my page, it is most appreciated.

    ~ichibon~

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That is quite a combat coctail you got there sister. May I ask why the Rivotril? I tried various stimulants throughout my own life cycle (benzo/psykopharma/SSRI) It wasn’t until I ceased all forms of treatment with the mentioned substances and refused to continue as a guniea pig that I could manage to map out my own emotional bpd, and start the long process of working towards “stabilizing” myself

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Forgot to mention regarding the Rivo, but if that substance is by any chance prescribed as a substitute of benzo because your tollerance level has exceeded then you really should consider a rehabilitation program. Iv’e seen far to many people around my own community descend into a cesspool by that drug

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hello Kerri,
    Thanks for visiting and following my blog! Thank you also for willing to share your story and your journey!
    I do believe thar everyone of us has some form of mental health issue to manage in life….recognizing it is half the battle won and also embracing it helps to harness the magical powers within…especially on highs when able to clearly see and follow and believe in your passions!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Kerri, Thank you for visiting my blog. I have only read your ‘about’ page so far, but find it very interesting, particularly the bit at the end about the medications. That is something I’m going through with my ten year old boy at the moment who has ADHD, ASD, Anxiety Disorder ODD and very likely moving into clinical depression. Bipolar has been thrown around once or twice as well, so we are keeping an eye on that! I hate medicating him, and I homeschool him in an attempt to reduce the amount of meds he needs. We are working on medicating the anxiety and depressed symptoms at the moment to try and help him get out and try more things. So far, not so good! Oh well. I’ll be interested to catch up on some of your posts to know your journey!
    Kathryn

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kathryn I’m sorry to hear about your little boy, what a lot to deal with for someone so young, on a positive they are making such progress on medications and therapies so catching it young may be a blessing in disguise. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, much love x

      Like

  10. Thanks for following my blog. Bpd coupled with Bipolar is something I’ve been diagnosed with too. I went from 50kg to 90kg in the space of 4 months when I was on xyprexa, but that was only after I stopped smoking weed. I’m now on seroquel instead but I still struggle with weight issues even after they stopped the xyprexa which then made me manic for 2 months where I dropped all the weight again but then ended up in hospital with severe chest pain. I also put on weight because of pcos (polycyctic ovarian syndrome). I’ve been on epilim, I don’t recognise the other medications as I assume they’re for the adhd but I’ve been on other Benzos not mentioned above. Im talking a lot about meds but I found my good mix and it took a lot of trial and error but it’s worth it now. Lifestyle is obviously important but I think it’s dangerous for people to say meds are bad because in some cases they’re essential. I am healing now because I’m finding the balance and the medication helps, I know because I tried to live without them for a while and it was hell, I don’t ever want to be there again.
    Your blog is pretty inspirational, keep being positive. Thanks again for the add

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am weaning off the xyprexa and only going to be on the Xeplion which is an injectable anti psychotic done once a moth and does not have the terrible weight gain side effect as xyprexa does. Epilim also causes weight gain so I am going to consult with my doctor to go on a mood stabiliser that does not cause as much weight gain as Epilim, strangely I also have polycystic ovaries! ivitrol is a benzo to help me sleep which I would also like to wean off of eventually. I’m glad you like my blog please visit again 🙂

      Like

  11. hot damn, another beautiful blog to follow! thanks for noticing little me! I’m looking forward to reading your writing and getting to know you! ~DM PS Warning I may go quiet at times, it’s no cause for alarm, it’s just when people get more demanding, it happens most often during holidays and weekends.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hey Keri. I really connect with your ‘about me’- I too have Bipolar and I’ve been on so many different meds over the years. I was born and I grew up in S.A.. too. I’m on a couple of meds that do not make you put on weight.
    Research quetiapine and Lamotrigine. I’ve been on these meds for a few years now. I know how frustrating it can be to put on weight. I suffer from an Eating disorder too and now my BMI and weight is acceptable I still struggle daily to accept this. I don’t see these as a ‘pity post’ but a post of kindred spirits. I am so following your blog. Merry Christmas

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there, thank you for this I have researched Lamotrigine and am due to see my doctor on the 4th of next month whereby I am going to ask her to put me on it instead of Epilim I am also being weaned off the Xyprexa thank goodness, I have a once a month shot of Xeplion which is an anti psychotic with very few side effects. Are you still in SA? I am hoping Lamotrigine is available here!

      Like

  13. First of all, thank you for stopping by my blog. I have to say, when I changed to Lamotrigine (generic version of Lamictal) I was so happy. I was on tryleptal before which pretty much disintegrated my memory. I felt like I increased my intelligence 10-fold after getting off that! I hope it works well for you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi 🙂
    I admire your blog site as a young person. I was recently diagnosed last september 2015 and I am finally on the road to managing the chaotic life we live! I would love to keep in contact with you as an online support for myself as well as for you. I am an advocate for young people working in the UK, if you would like to take a look at my writing you can tell this reflects in my writing style.
    I feel inspired by the way you write your experiences. 🙂
    Please feel free to email me or drop a comment on one of my posts/pages so I know you’re about!

    BipolarAmandla x

    Liked by 1 person

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